Beauty from Ashes: I’m a pastor’s wife, and I’ve taken anti-depressants

15 Apr

mosley 33

My favorite pastor and me

There’s been much swirling in the media this week related to mental illness. Much of this chatter is stemming from the news of the suicide of Rick Warren’s son, Matthew. In a public statement to the media, Warren bravely shared of his son’s lifelong battle with mental illness, depression. As I read those words this time last week, my heart was filled with grief for the Warrens, yet my heart also ached as the all-to-familiar memories of my own struggles with depression resurfaced.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am a pastor’s wife, and I’ve taken anti-depressants. If you’re a faithful blog reader, I’ve often written that I don’t have it all together. When you only see snapshots of someone’s life through a blog, the appearance seems otherwise. I realize that, so I try to reassure you differently. Now, that I’ve shared this with you, you can really know that I’m telling you the truth when I remind you that I don’t have it all together. 🙂

It’s hard, painful to walk down memory lane and revisit my journey with and through postpartum depression (PPD). I like to file this journey into a filing cabinet deep, deep, deep in the abyssal recesses of my mind. I don’t like to revisit it often. Ironically, I’m very open when talking with people in person about my experience with PPD. However, blogging about my experience, well, I’ll just be honest–my pride shifted into overdrive and wanted to keep this “deep, dark secret” in the abyss.  In those moments of wishful-forgetting, the Lord {thankfully!} snapped me out of my denial and pride-induced illusion. He reminded me that His purposes are for redemption and restoration of broken things, making all things new. He did this for me; may I not keep to myself the story of His redemptive work in my life. May I not fail to tell of His wondrous works in my life and the life of my family.

So, for the glory of God and the good of others, I will walk down memory lane. I will swim in the unending abyssal waters and will relive the memories. I will share with the world wide web what I have experienced (although my knees are shaking as I feel very exposed). I pray that the Lord will use it to encourage others who have experienced PPD or a woman who is in the throes of it to get the help that she needs.  Know that you are not alone in your journey. Know that although there is pain, your story, like mine, can be a story of joy, hope, love–broken things restored anew. This is what I wish to share, remember.

I will be sharing several post this week related to my experience with mental illness, PPD. I would love to have you journey along with me. To read the other posts in this series, read herehere herehereherehere, and here.


24 Responses to “Beauty from Ashes: I’m a pastor’s wife, and I’ve taken anti-depressants”

  1. Hope Hardy April 15, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    None of us have it all together and if someone says they do- they are in full blown denial. We all have our battles and our scars from “being made new”. Thanks for keeping it real Suzanne.

    • Suzanne Shares April 15, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

      thanks for your kind, encouraging words, friend! 🙂 yes, i always tell folks that if someone appears to ‘have it all together’….they really, really don’t! there’s no way that we can! 🙂 🙂 thanks for loving me amid my messiness. 🙂

  2. Heather Bruce April 15, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    So glad you are talking about this on your blog. Love you!

    • Suzanne Shares April 15, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

      thanks, friend! 🙂 i remember calling you right before your wedding shower and having to miss it. that was right after i was diagnosed…and was still at a place where i couldn’t leave my house. 😦 😦 so sad to think about that! however, hallelujiah!!! only 2 months later, i was at your wedding!! 🙂 🙂 i remember so vividly that I had finally come out of the fogginess by your wedding weekend! praise God! it was so special to be there with you, and it was such a wonderful time for me to experience LIFE and to feel somewhat back-to-normal by that time. love you much!

  3. krelsk (@krelsk) April 15, 2013 at 3:39 pm #

    thank you for your honesty, dear Suzanne! it’s one place where we feel no one can understand, yet so many struggle.

    • Suzanne Shares April 15, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

      thanks, friend! 🙂 here, here! more of us struggle than we realize! Here’s to sharing…so that we can know who we are and encourage each other along the way! 🙂

  4. Kae Wilhite April 15, 2013 at 6:23 pm #

    being obedient and allowing God to step in front of you as you walk this path to share your journey can bring you back in an instant to those emotions and the pain of the time. What’s so AWESOME about going back there is that you NOW get to see just how God walked alongside and brought you through to the other side. So….I believe some of the hurt of the experience will never leave because it leads to recognition of the joy of God’s work in your life and how you are compelled by HIM to share it with others. Thanks for your brave travels to be obedient in this! Hugs!!!!

    • Suzanne Shares April 15, 2013 at 8:02 pm #

      Kae, what you’ve written is truly beautiful! thank you for these beautiful, beautiful words! I think YOU need to start blogging!!!

  5. Peggy Simpson April 15, 2013 at 11:21 pm #

    Beautiful Suzanne and as you are inside and out . I am praying for you as I know its going to be hard going down that lane once again but GOD is leading you to tell others and HE will be by your side every word that you share. GOD BLESS YOU IS MY PRAYER….

  6. Danielle April 21, 2013 at 1:13 pm #

    I am so glad you are doing this. I’m late to the party, I wish I would have known so I could be praying too. I know it is kind of touch-and-go when you revisit places like this, you never know what will pop up emotionally! I am proud of you for sharing, it always costs to do so. We have walked similar roads, and I started blogging more openly about it last year too. I pray your openness will bless you as it has blessed me.

    • Suzanne Shares April 21, 2013 at 7:26 pm #

      Thanks for your encouragement, prayers and support, Danielle! Would love hear your story! 🙂 🙂 Much love to you!

  7. home care givers April 22, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

    Fantastic! Incredibly enlightening info. I happen to be bookmarking the site right now. Cheers


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